The first date
Once you’ve made successful contact with someone online, the next major step is a first date. You can learn a lot about someone through emails and, in due course, on the phone, but it’s only face-to-face that you can really gauge their relationship potential. These days, more and more people are opting for an easygoing first date - maybe a coffee or a quick lunch, but the choice is yours. No matter what the context, you’ll want to make a good impression - and you might well feel a few nerves.
Here, PARSHIP’s experts provide some advice on how best to handle a first date.
10 ½ conversation traps
For a first date, the venue and what you wear need some careful consideration – but so do the topics of conversation. You might need help in manoeuvring around some of the potential hazards.
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A first date with no preliminaries – men seem to like the idea
Maureen (37) received a suggestion for a date with no time to get to know each other beforehand and no clues about recognising each other. She didn’t think it was such a good idea and was curious to know what we thought.
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After the first date
Should you call straight after the first date or is it better to wait till the next day? Send a text or 100 roses? Suggest dinner at your local Italian or book a cruise? Once you’ve made it successfully past that initial encounter, what is the best course of action? Our tips will help you make the next move with assurance.
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Dating should be fun
Some people seem to see dating as a kind of ‘work’. Some even get worried about it. Try and take it easy: a date is something you should look forward to – like taking a day off work!
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Do I stand a chance?
The first date has gone well, but as you say goodbye you are on tenterhooks, waiting for those vital words from the other person: “It would be good to meet up again”. But there’s more to it than words – there are other signals that can tell you whether it’s time for a diplomatic retreat or a brave move.
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First-date nerves. Why do we get them?
How we feel as a first date approaches depends on so many factors. You might already have an idea about how well suited you could be to each other, and your tentative feelings about the other person can have a major impact. The prospect of the date could become really daunting – or you might adopt a ‘take it or leave it’ approach...
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Larger woman would like to meet
Paula Hall, PARSHIP's dating expert offers advice to a woman obsessing about dates.
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Online dating etiquette – a user’s guide
A little courtesy really can make life easier and more pleasant. But do the old-fashioned rules of etiquette apply on the Internet?
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Still at stage one after six weeks of dating
Today Paula Hall offers advice to a member who is unsure if the man she has been dating for six-weeks is really interested in her romantically.
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Taking a gift to a date
If you’ve made contact online and are meeting for the first time, is it a good idea to take flowers along? One of our members had that question for us and a member survey gave a clear indication of what people think about it.
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The art of smalltalk
Do first dates find you lost for words? Does your vocabulary shrink to prehistoric levels? If so, there is no shame in falling back on smalltalk: it can prove wonderfully useful.
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The first date – an experience
The majority of PARSHIP members fix their first meeting in a bar or café, but does the thought of a succession of coffees and teas fill you with panic? Then try something which is a bit more of an experience.
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The first date
Never mind butterflies in the stomach … You’re on your date, sitting there with clammy hands and nothing to say. Whatever happened to your blinding wit? You feel like disappearing off to the loo and never coming back …
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Yes, no or perhaps … How to deal with the dynamics of a date
There are 15 million single people in the UK, many of them looking for the love of their life. You’d think there really must be someone for everyone. But meeting new people can be hard work and it can take a number of dates before you meet someone who could be right for you. So how do you deal with a first date?
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The first date
What do you want to get out of a first date? Realistically, you can’t expect to know within an hour or two whether you have found ‘the one for you’, but you can find out whether you would like to take things to a second date.
There is no way of telling whether a first date will lead to a lifelong relationship, a warm friendship or simply ‘it was nice meeting you’. But every new encounter could hold possibilities, especially if you’ve been brought together by PARSHIP’s compatibility matching. Whatever ultimately happens, you can get the best out of every date.
On a first date, the ideal is for the conversation to be a relaxed question-and-answer session. Feel free to start off with a few easygoing questions - nothing too probing. Most people are happy to talk a little about themselves. You should be ready to talk about yourself too - but if you tend to get very chatty when you’re a bit tense or excited, maybe try to tone things down a little. On the other hand, if you take a little while to warm up, make sure that your date can see you are actively listening and oiling the wheels of the conversation.
On a first date, it’s probably best not to spend too much time discussing previous relationships, or serious or highly personal issues such as your sex life, illness, marriage and whether you want children. If the two of you hit it off, that kind of conversation can wait till another time. If the first date goes well, and you feel that the two of you made some kind of connection, then you should think about a second date. It will give you the chance to get to know each other better, and it won’t commit you to anything more than another meeting.